“Bumbles Bounce” – Yukon Cornelius, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

When I start something new I feel like I “bumble along”…and I hate feeling that way, I want it to be right the first time. However, that is the path to learning, and I’m getting more ok with choosing progress over perfection.

If you want to try something new, if you have a dream you want to pursue…I beg you, go out and bumble along…you will be glad you did because, Bumbles Bounce.

How do you hire High Performers? …You already have High Performers.

I recently spoke to a local businessman who has great employees…and that is what he told me.

An All-Star quarterback doesn’t sign on to play behind a mediocre offensive line. “A” players want to work with other “A” players…so if you tolerate underperformers, you are making a CHOICE to never have those Super Stars…you have to lead / manage well and all the other things to maximize them and keep them…but you will never get them if you have a team of C players to start with.

I’ve got news for you…you are LIMITED! …we are all limited. You are limited in your time, your talent, your energy…you have a limited capacity. Rather than fight against our limitations, lets acknowledge them and devote our limited capacity to the most important things in our organization, in our team, in our lives.

I’m not arguing against growth, efficiency, or anything like that; leaders all should be pursuing those worthy goals. However, even with every “hack” and skill turned up to 11 you are and will still be limited…I encourage you to embrace that fact and devote all of your capacity to the things that matter most in life and leadership.

STOP being NICE! ....Instead be GOOD! Nice people make others around them feel comfortable, even when things are crashing down around them. Good people tell others the hard truths; they do the hard things....they care enough to be uncomfortable themselves in order to serve others.

You aren't a leader to feel comfortable...you are a leader to serve your organization, your team, your boss, your coworkers, your family and friends. Only Good people can serve them well....so I challenge you...STOP BEING NICE! ...BE GOOD INSTEAD.

"I’m The Boss. I Need The Info.” - Dr. Evil - Austin Powers: International Man Of Mystery

If you like Profit First by Mike Michalowicz you need to read Simple Numbers, Straight Talk, Big Profits by Greg Crabtree. Greg digs in where Mike left off.

Maybe you aren’t familiar with accounting, Greg will help…maybe you are great at accounting but integrating that with how to run your business is a challenge, Greg will help…maybe you are great with accounting and it shows in your business, Greg will help put it in context and plan for the future….doing what Greg teaches isn’t rocket since, but it isn’t widely taught either. If you want to make better sense of your business’ numbers, this is a great place to start.

“Oh, And Remember, Next Friday Is Hawaiian Shirt Day!" – Bill Lumberg, Office Space

When you step into the world of Small Business you quickly learn that there are many more aspects of running a business than you can learn in business school…however, if Hawaiian Shirt Day is your solution for building culture you may want to go back to school.

…or you could read Dave Ramsey’s book Entreleadership. This book is a sort of 101 class for small businesses covering topics from finance and marketing to delegation and communication. I appreciate that Dave gives practical tools and a no-nonsense approach to how to get things done. Does it cover everything, no….are there other valid ways for most if not all of the topics, yes…..but it covers a ton, it does it well…and even if you choose to color outside of the lines he recommends you will be well served to thoughtfully consider what he says.

"This sticker is dangerous and inconvenient, but I do love Fig Newtons." Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights

If you can’t see where you are going how are you going to get there? This could be related to many things in business…but specifically I am talking about your vision. It may start with the high-level vision you have in vinyl letters on the wall, but it goes into far more detail than than...the vision in your head and, more importantly, in your heart. When you achieve that vision what, specifically, does that look like? What do you do, where do you do it? Who is there with you? What does it feel like? What does it smell like?......How did you get there?

CAMERON HEROLD calls this the Painted Picture, in his book Double Double. When you know where you are going, then you can plan on how to get there and in this book Cameron gives practical guidance on how to make that happen, from someone who has done it multiple times…one of the things I love about this book is that these are real tools you can use today, not a theoretical framework you have to figure out how to apply yourself.

Reading this book will not only inspire you…it will give you tools to make big things happen.

"Taking on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse, isn't it? If you're comfortable while you're doing it, you're probably doing it wrong." – Ted Lasso

If you are reading this I’m sure that you have taken a job or received a promotion and when you first started you probably didn’t feel quite ready for it. You probably had the skills and knew what to do…but were lacking the experience where you felt really comfortable.

That is where David Marquet, author of Turn the Ship Around found himself. In this book he tells the story of being thrust into a leadership role he wasn’t prepared for and navigating his way out…he did this by unleashing his team, not being the brilliant leader with all of the answers. Using his model of Control, Competence, and Clarity his submarine showed what was possible with a real leader rather than a fanatical manager.

If you struggle with leading your team, with delegating…(HELLO! That hit home didn’t it?) and your team not quite living up to their potential this book is for you.

“They are digging in the wrong place!” Indiana Jones, Raiders of the Lost Ark

If you are a leader and you want to be a good leader I’m sure that you work on hard on getting better…always learning adding more and more knowledge; and that is good. However, for most leaders more knowledge will not give them the exponential gains they want. Supercharged growth comes from…wait for it…wait for it….RELATIONSHIP!

John Townsend’s book People Fuel talks about why this is the case, what we need from others, who we can get those needs met from and practical tips about finding / fostering and building those kinds of relationships…as well as stay away from those that will bring you down.

We always want to learn more and add to our skills….but getting the right kind of relationships and get what you need from them will take you places you cannot reach with a degree, reading a book or listening to a podcast…don’t believe me? Read and apply this book and get back to me!

“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” – Inego Montoya, The Princess Bride

If you are a small business owner who pays themselves well for their work, enjoys withdrawing a healthy amount of profit each year, rarely has cashflow problems and never loses sleep over money then this book is not for you. If any of these describe you, Mike Michalowicz teaches a simple method to bring discipline to your business and enjoy one of the big reasons you got into business in the first place…PROFIT.

I love this book because I was one of those business owners who needed it. Yes it is simplistic, yes your accountant should be able to replicate a lot of the steps in this book without actually doing them as he describes….AND if you need to read this book (and I recommend that you do) you will find his system helps instill discipline and can really work.

Many financial planners teach investors to “pay yourself first”…and your business is probably your biggest investment where you should pay yourself first…this book will help you learn how.

“There’s Always Money in the Banana Stand” – Arrested Development

This summer I wanted to talk about a few books that I have found helpful in my leadership Journey. This week I wanted to highlight From Start-Up to Grown-Up by Alisa Cohn. I first heard about Alisa Cohn when she was on the Tim Ferris podcast (episode #539). She is an executive coach focusing on Start-ups and has compiled a lot of very useful tips-tricks and advice that I think IS NOT JUST FOR START UPS but for all business leaders including start ups; and I think small businesses leaders will get a lot of valuable information here as well.

In here you will find how to hire-fire, creating culture, managing yourself, managing others, managing your board, working with co-founders etc.….if you lead people you will find this book a terrific reference. Also, as any business leader knows, one of the hardest things you have to do is have difficult conversations with employees….especially when you become close to those you work with. Alisa has put some sample scripts at the back of the book that outline some of those hard conversations and how to do them well…pure gold! I highly recommend this book….check out her Tim Ferris podcast is you are on the fence and she also has a podcast called From Start-Up to Grown-Up that is well worth a listen…this week she had a terrific interview with Seth Godin. Look out in future weeks I’ll highlight other books I’ve have found particularly valuable.

As a leader we occasionally get to enjoy the high of a big win…maybe it is closing the big deal you have been working on; or finally paying yourself a salary from your startup company. More often than wins we battle through those times where we question whether we have what it takes.

If you are a growing leader each season of company growth presents a new challenge…. you have never managed that many people before, you haven’t dealt with that many zeros, you haven’t worked with executives of that caliber before. When will everyone figure out that I don’t belong here?

If you are growing as a business or a leader you are encountering challenges you have never dealt with before…no wonder it feels new, it is new! Rather than being overwhelmed Alisa Cohen talks about the idea of a “Highlight Reel” in her book From Start-Up to Grown Up. Develop a list of your accomplishments, talents and gifts that got you to where you are now…take time to reflect on those. You weren’t dropped off by helicopter to these new challenges, you climbed there and gained experience, skills, and a few scars along the way to be where you are.

When we reflect on how we earned our way to these new challenges it can help give us confidence to lean into these new challenges. I bet you will win at most of those challenges…and if you don’t one of the lessons you learned to get here now is how to get back up and keep going. You aren’t an imposter; you are a learner….and learners always win in the long run.

Would you steal from another person? How do you handle stealing in your business? The thought of stealing in my organization makes me angry, and I’m betting it makes you angry too.

Now think about what employees you have that show up every day, they work hard….but they just aren’t cutting it. They probably were great in the past, but the company has grown…the market has changed and instead of winning every day at work now they can’t keep up…you know it…and they know it.

In his book Double Double, Cameron Herold talks about a hard lesson he learned about keeping a team member on after their season has passed….he realized that doing that was stealing from that person…stealing months or even years from them as they remain loyal to you…instead of moving to somewhere else where they can win every day.

Who do you have in your organization that fits this description? It is hard to let good people go AND it is the right thing for them, and for the organization. We don’t tolerate stealing money or things….lets not tolerate stealing time, stealing life from those who work for us. Let's support and mentor them well as they move on to their next chapter.

The leader we would want to work for would do that for us, lets be that leader for others!

"If that's a joke, I love it. If not, can't wait to unpack that with you later." – Ted Lasso

Have you ever talked to someone about what was going on with them at work (or life) and though and the decisions they are making…”are you serious?...are you joking right now?” Maybe it is that friend who has the abusive boss, but just won’t look for other opportunities, or the sister who says her family is her priority, but consistently chooses to take jobs that require a lot of travel.

How many times do you think others have thought that about what you? What decisions are you making that are actually taking you farther away from what you really want…even though they maybe good, maybe even really good at some level.

As humans we can get fooled by only looking at the benefit of staying the same or maybe making a change…but not the cost, and there is always a cost.…yes, you may get some payback like a higher salary, promotion, work on that passion project…but what is it costing you?

When you find yourself in that hard spot of making a tough decision…ask “What is this costing me”…or “What would option “x” cost me” . As leaders lets be deliberate in making our decisions so when people scratch their head that we made them we know how to respond and we did it on purpose.

“Help! I need somebody” …The Beatles

Life is hard…imagine your personal capacity is like a backpack…and your life puts things in your backpack…spouse, kids, job, church, friends…but at some point, for all of us, the backpack can be too much. When we add aging parents, teenagers, marriage problems, struggling business, illness (ever heard of COVID?), isolation, and the list goes on…that backpack is more than anyone was ever supposed to carry by themselves. If you are a leader, you may be convinced that you have more capacity than others…that is probably true! …but at some point, life will put more in your backpack than you can carry. What happens when you get there? Crashing at work? Depression? Suicide? Breakdown? Drinking too much? Divorce?

You may be there or have been there…if you haven’t, it is coming. So, what can you do about it? If you insist on carrying everything by yourself the list the previous paragraph may be what is around the corner…As a leader can you say, “I need help…I can’t do this by myself”? If you can there is hope!

If you are a leader, you probably like and are good at helping others be successful. You enjoy carrying some things out of others proverbial “backpack”. When done well what happens? They grow professionally and personally…the succeed. They “run” faster than they could have if you weren’t carrying part of that burden…their capacity grows, and they make take that burden back and be able to shoulder even more. Will you allow others to do that for you?

Here are 3 steps to taking some things out of your backpack so you can be the leader you were created to be, your family, co-workers, vendors and customers need you to be.

1) Swallow your pride and be willing to ask for help (The earth has billions of people and every single one needs help from others…you are in good company)

2) Establish a network of people that care about you…people who will be there when you say “I need help” (These are likely some of the same people that can ask for help from you)

3) Remember…asking for help is not weak or selfish…it is brave, and it not only helps you…it helps your business, your family, your friends, your team members, your customers, vendors…everyone.

Ask for help when you need it…when you do you are a better example and a better leader…Be a leader worth following.

"This is one time where television really fails to capture the true excitement of a large squirrel predicting the weather." – Bill Murray, Groundhog Day

It’s Groundhog Day! … do you ever feel like that when you are dealing with the same problem…yet again…from the same person.

Of course you do, we all do…and typically the reason why is that the issue was never actually fixed to begin with. There was a halfhearted discussion, with halfhearted commitment and the real issue was put off until another day.

Let’s change that by really confronting issues, kindly AND directly….AND having real consequences. John Townsend offers a simple formula with this 8 Step Conflict Resolution model.

1. Start with a “I respect and am for you stance” … this may look like, “I need to share some thoughts that may be hard to hear; but you are too capable and too important for our companies success to not have this discussion”

2. Clearly state the issue that needs to be addressed…don’t beat around the bush, as Brene Brown has said “Clear is Kind”.

3. Own your contribution…have you allowed this to linger, did you see it but not say anything before, did you give them the tools and training, if you are the leader you probably own some part of this issue

4. Hear them out…allow them to talk. To have this conversation turn out well, they don’t need to agree, but they need to feel heard; plush you might find out something that changes your perspective. Give them 2-3 minutes to and then get back to addressing the issue.

5. Request a change with a win/win stance…what is the specific behavior you want to see? How will that benefit them and the organization?

6. Tell them the natural consequences of not changing (when needed)…what will happen if they don’t change? Don’t let people be surprised if you need to have that next conversation.

7. Return to the “I am for you stance” …You want them to “win” and they need to know it. This helps bring safety back so they can focus on performance for the team rather than operating out of fear.

8. Follow up 24 hours later…check back in with them, help them know you really are for them.

As leaders lets care enough about our people to be clear with them and to solve problems for good. If it feels like groundhog day around the office what did you miss?

“Just a flesh wound…” The Black Knight, Monty Python and Search for the Holy Grail

When a player was limping by my high school football coach would ask…”are you hurt? or are you injured”….what he really was asking was is this something you can play through and not make it worse, like a bruise (hurt) OR is this something that you will actually exacerbate a big issue if you keep trying to play (injured).

I have to commend my coaches that they never encouraged anyone to play injured…but sometimes we all did because we didn’t want to appear weak or let the team down by admitting that we were “injured”. Now decades later we feel the consequences of those decisions when we get out of bed in the morning…and some in more dramatic ways.

I’m amazed when I work with clients how many of them do the same thing, often with their emotional and mental health…and sometimes with their physical health. Only now it isn’t impacting a game…their families count on them, their friends count on them, their co-workers, customers and vendors all count on them to be at their best. The stakes are much higher now, yet so many leaders still neglect themselves…and we all know the first step to fixing a problem is admitting that you have one.

Are you ok? …before you answer that, use these two questions to help determine if you are being honest with yourself…

1) What would your spouse or significant other say if I asked them if you were OK?

2) How would you answer if your best friend was in your same situation?

…Now that you are honest with yourself what are you going to do about it?…have that hard conversation? Hire for that position that you have been putting off? Talk to your accountant about what your options are? Go see a counselor?

When you embrace your reality then you can make the hard decisions that make you a leader worth following.

“I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with ’em later."

—Mitch Hedberg

I tend to overcomplicate things….so often I find myself doing things I should have asked for help with or often not working on something important because it just feels too big. Either way I’m not accomplishing what I could.

The author and podcaster Tim Ferriss has a great question he uses to unlock his thinking when he faces something like this…”what would this look like if it were easy?” I find this so helpful to expand what options I am considering, who I could or should ask for help, could I outsource or delegate this? For me this helps to bring things down to size so I can actually do something about them.

See how asking this question works for you (or maybe your direct reports)…taking your problems and holding them up to a slightly different lens maybe just what you need for breakthrough.

"You stink. You smell like beef and cheese. You don’t smell like Santa.” - Elf

I have a confession to make…I am in recovery…I am a recovering people pleaser. In the past I found myself spending all of my energy trying to make others happy, while neglecting my own legitimate needs and wants. To consider my own needs felt selfish to me…and it resulted in burnout and stress both at work and home…and in the end I was unhappy (and often so was everyone else). I’m learning that to be my best self sometimes I have to make others unhappy…and that is ok, no that is necessary.

Are you OK when others are not OK with you? Some psychological models call that separation or differentiation or emotional independence…whatever you call it mature adults are not overcome by the need to please others, but rather can balance the tension of their wants and needs with those of others. Sometimes that means saying “No” to others…or “Yes, under the condition…” and sometimes just a “Yes”…accepting that agency of being able to control your answer is necessary to be your best self.

If you will risk disappointing others, when appropriate, you will find the freedom to be your best…for your family, your friends, and for your organization. …when you can be emotionally independent of others then you can embrace your own freedom.

“Well, if I find out that you’re accusing me of doing something I didn’t do, then I’m going to accuse you of making false accusations.” – Schitt’s Creek

One of the issues I often hear about when I work with clients is a lack of clarity on who is responsible for what. This can result in team members being frustrated at each other because, in their mind, the other person keeps interfering with their responsibilities... or conversely things get missed because everyone thought it was someone else’s responsibility.

In the military, geographic areas are clearly spelled out so who is responsible for what is clearly spelled out…if it happens in this area it is my responsibility if it happens in another area it belongs to someone else…

As a leader you need to establish that clarity for your people, and there are multiple tools out there to do that…there is the Accountability Chart, which you can find in the book Traction by Gino Wickman, or Functional Accountability Chart from Verne Harnish…and I am sure there are others.

If you find multiple people working on the same thing….or things falling through the cracks, look at how you have established responsibilities within your team. If it is a lack of operational boundaries and then those problems may simply be a symptom…and you need to provide that clarity for your team.

Create clarity in your organization around these areas and watch many of these issues disappear!

“You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning…And someone hands you a baby” - Jim Gaffigan

Welcome to 2023! If you are like many business leaders out there you have been doing annual planning, setting goals, establishing 90 day objectives, making a game plan for how you will conquer the new year.

Also, if you are like many business leaders out there you were overwhelmed in 2022 – you haven’t taken much if anything off of what you were doing last year AND now you have even more! Good luck on getting it all done…and even if you do, what will that cost you – not just financially but in time, energy, and relationships?

New dreams, goals and initiatives are great….and I would ask you to do one additional thing. Make a STOP DOING LIST…What are you doing just because you always have? What can you just stop doing and no one would notice? (do you have the guts to just try it and find out?), What can you (or maybe should you) delegate? Where are you spending time that doesn’t contribute to your goals and objectives?

Your time and energy are too precious to waste…pour more into what is important by cutting out what is not!

“I’ve made a huge tiny mistake” – Gob, Arrested Development

Lets talk a little bit more about communication and what the business world could learn from the military. I specifically want to talk about CLARITY.

I want to talk about two tools that the military uses (and of course some other organizations too) to make sure everyone is clear.

The first tool is the “back brief”….you may have heard it said, “tell me what I just told you”…maybe you have said this to your kids. Normalize this in your organization when giving direction, it is amazing how many times what you wanted to convey was not understood by your team…this will help you start to communicate better, and also give you and opportunity to address any misunderstandings before they go any further.

The second tool is the rehearsal…when groups need to be coordinated this is a terrific tool. I can feel a little silly at first, but uncovers a lot of issues and helps everyone when it is time. You wouldn’t want to see a band play who had never rehearsed, or attend a wedding that was just “winging” it…when this tool is appropriate make sure your performance is spot on as well…Rehearse.

“That's all right, Randy. He won't get far. He doesn't know you're supposed to put your foot over the hole in the floor to keep the exhaust out.” – My Name is Earl

In another installment of what business could learn from the military I have something simple for you that every battle captain…that is an officer monitoring and helping to coordinate what is going on with units in the field should be asking themselves…and as a leader in business you should be doing and teaching your team members to be doing and that is asking three questions:

1) What do I know?

2) Who needs to know?

3) Who have I told?

Business is a challenge even if you do everything right, but it seems like often the simple things are the hardest to do. I’ve seen, and experienced, it when team members are failing to do important things for the teams success…..BECAUSE NO ONE EVER TOLD THEM.

When you experience communication problems, start with these three questions before you look elsewhere…they are easy to ask, easy to fix AND cover a large portion of the communication challenges in many organizations.

“And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.” – Michael Scott, The Office

Perhaps one of the hardest situations any leader has to deal with is letting one of their team members go…especially when they are a high performer, so here are 4 things to think through when you get to that point

1) Have you set them up for success?….do they know what they are supposed to do, and have the training and tools to do it (and get feedback along the way)…

2) Have you given them feedback and instruction along the way (document this!)

3) Try to get some objectivity around the situation

a. Is this a one time occurrence or a pattern?

b. What is keeping them costing your organization? Your time and effort, that of your other team members? Vendors or Customers?

c. If this position was vacant and your were hiring for this position…would you hire them

d. Play the tape forward….Is it the right person wrong seat?

4) Don’t wait too long….keeping them around is costing your organization, and all of their coworkers know they aren’t working and are looking to you to fix it.

“Why you going to the airport? Flying somewhere?” – Dumb and Dumber

Does your team ask questions that seem like dumb questions? Could it be that they don’t have the whole picture that you have?

I’m starting a periodic series about things I learned in the military that the business world could do a better job of applying

An important piece of the picture for everyone to know is the “Commanders Intent”…simply meaning, WHAT DOES SUCCESS LOOK LIKE?...not how to get there.

What are the chances your team will “hit the target” when they don’t even know what they are aiming for? What about when things don’t go as planned (because they won’t). Try letting them know what success looks like, and you will be surprised by the results.

“This woman is strong, confident, and powerful. Boss, I tell you, I’d hate to see you and Michelle Obama arm wrestle, but I wouldn’t be able take my eyes off of it, either.” -Ted Lasso

Do you "own" who you are? That is called Adulthood...and as leaders that shows up in terms of how we wield Authority AND how we submit to Authority.

When you are in charge...be in Charge! ...and when you are not in charge, allow the person in charge to be in charge. Be a leader that is worthy of inspiring team members to "Disagree AND Commit"...and return the favor to those who lead you.

“I didn’t get a bathroom door that looks like a wall by not being good at business.” - Jack Donaghy - 30 Rock

We know as leaders that we are not successful alone, we need a team. You probably spend most of your day investing in your team members...but who is investing in you?

Dr. John Townsend's book People Fuel (aptly named) is all about that, and specifically the concept of Life Teams (ch 12). Intentionally build your team and schedule time with them (individually or as a group) Your car needs fuel on a regular basis and so do you! Try it and see what happens...I dare you...I double dog dare you!

“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” – Michael Scott, The Office

Integration is being able to see reality...that there are good things going on and bad things going on at the same time. Good team members will make mistakes...long term clients will sometimes leave. At the same time, Good team members make A LOT of correct decisions (maybe even better than we could) and new clients sometime turn into long term clients.

As a leader what or who are you holding onto that you should let go of? What opportunities are opening up when business challenges arrive? Don't deny reality, embrace it and be the leader you were meant to be.

"...so your telling me there's a chance" - Dumb and Dumber

Do you have a "No" muscle...as a leader can you be direct and risk being unpopular?

If you want to be a good leader you MUST be able to tell some people and opportunities "No"...in order to be able to tell the best people and opportunities "Yes"...and to do that you must be able to express and distinct and different self.

To be a good leader you can't always be a popular leader, don't be a "Yes" man or woman...be your own man or woman...that has opinions and makes hard decisions. Your organization and your team will be better for it.

"Only a true friend would be that truly honest" - Donkey - Shrek

This week we are talking about Attachment. Attachment is simply our bonding with others and emotional regulation. When you have challenges in Attachment, you may find that you are isolated from others, maybe out of touch with your own feelings....maybe you find you simply don't have "fuel in your tank" to make progress on meaningful things in life...or maybe you hang on to bad relationships because even a bad relationship is better than none.

Find those people in your life that "fuel" you...maybe you simply need to intentionally reconnect with them, maybe you need to find them. Connect with others and see what life is like when you have "fuel in the tank!"

“Precious Father, why have you given me this desire to wrestle and then made me such a stinky warrior?” – Nacho Libre

Do you and your team have the ability to face what life and work are requiring of you?

The Character Structure from Dr. John Townsend identifies four areas that are necessary to meet the demands of life...and deficits in these areas can cause problems for us and/or prevent us from reaching our full potential.

As a quick overview, that I will elaborate on in future weeks, the four areas are:

1) Attachment - do we have the relationships that fuel us to be our best?

2) Separation - can we truly say "yes" or "no" because we choose to, even if it displeases others?

3) Integration - can we operate in the "gray" and nuance of reality where there is both good and bad...and both can be true at the same time

4) Adulthood - do we exercise authority that we have well and also submit to proper authority

"I think so, Brain, but if they called them sad meals, kids wouldn't buy them" - Pinky, Pinky and the Brain You can be professional AND express emotions (Yes Pinky, including sadness) in the workplace...doing this well will improve team cohesion and performance. The key is to master Professional Vulnerability.

"Better out than in, I always say!" - Shrek

I have a personal question to ask you...are you emotionally constipated?

If you are going to be a leader worth following you need to be able to express your emotions well....to the right people at the right time.

We are created as emotional beings, we can't help it...and if we don't express our emotions we become "emotionally constipated"...and when that happens we can become toxic as our unprocessed emotions slowly make us sick...figuratively and often literally. Sometimes our emotions will erupt at the wrong time, to the wrong people or in the wrong way...damaging our relationships and our role as a leader.

Let's learn to express our emotions well and watch our team as well as ourselves be healthier and achieve more.

"I'm so stressed out!"

Did you know that your emotional intelligence can have a big impact on how you manage stress?

When we are aware of our own emotions (to include stress) we are able to engage the thinking portion of our brain to understand what is going on around us and to thoughtfully address it.

When you can identify, think through and deal with your emotions your stress level can go down, you can have a sense of control and thus optimism and you can invite flexibility and creativity to the situation. Increase your EQ and lower your stress!

“Math is Math!” - Mr. Incredible, Incredibles 2

When you are solving a purely numbers problem that may be true, but in real life numbers often fail to tell the whole story…there is emotional data that should also be taken into account when making business or personal decisions.

As we become more emotionally intelligent the our self-awareness and the awareness of others emotions can help us access that data and leverage it well. The lowest priced vendor is not always the lowest cost and the highest priced vendor is not always the most expensive. Include the emotional data in your decision making to help you make better decisions as you move down the road of life!

“All you need to do is….” When people say things like that, if you are like me, you often tune them out…and maybe write them off. Relationships thrive when we can be empathetic with others…not when we give un-requested advice or pep talks.

Brene Brown describes empathy as getting into another person’s well. I love this description…rather than telling someone to “cheer up” or what they need to do they are with the person…as they are. This may look like being there when someone is grieving…or maybe celebrating with them when something good happens for them.

In the EQi2.0 empathy is described as “recognizing, understanding and appreciating how other people feel…being able to articulate your understanding of another’s perspective and behaving in a way that respects others’ feelings”. When we can show up that way to others our relationships grow….trust develops…and when appropriate we may be asked for that advice or encouragement…or we may need some and it will be safe to receive that.

When you are at work this week try to be a bit more empathetic and watch the trust and team work build…just another example of treating others the way we would like to be treated ourselves.

“Use your words” …I don’t know about you but I said this a lot (still do sometimes) when my kids were just learning to talk and would sometimes revert to just noises or making faces.

Self Expression is how we let the world know what is going on inside of us and what we think…when done well it often is verbal, but also includes body language, facial expression, tone of voice etc. As we become more Emotionally Intelligent we not only need to be aware of our own emotions and those of others we need to be able to express our emotions.

Using the EQ-i2.0 model as a reference Self Expression has three parts:

1) Emotional Expression – expressing feelings verbally and non-verbally

2) Assertiveness – communicating and defending rights & values appropriately

3) Independence – being self-directed and not dependent up on the emotions of others

As we move down the road of life together when we are skilled in self expression we let the other “drivers” know what we are doing so we can all drive more productively together…make sure your emotional blinkers and break lights are working and you will go farther faster!

"How am I supposed to know how you feel?"

You CAN GET BETTER at being aware of others emotions, and that can help you have more enjoyable and productive relationships...personally AND professionally. In fact, if you want to grow as a person, you NEED to grow in this area as well (no matter how good you are at this now...you can get better)

Three ideas about how to improve:

1) Slow down! Don't be in a hurry to wreck a perfectly good relationship...take time to respond rather than just reacting

2) Don't make unhelpful assumptions! If you are making assumptions about others emotions and react rashly you could be killing that sale/good will/relationship...respond thoughtfully instead!

3). ASK!!!! -- It is ok, you aren't a mind reader! You may have a good idea of how they are...but it can't hurt to ask. Even if you are wrong you show real concern and help them, and you get to a more productive place

What other ideas do you have about getting better in this area?

Watch out! You aren't the only one on the road of life!

Knowing how to drive your own car (Self Awareness) is the first step, but understanding what is going on emotionally with the other people in your life is also essential (Awareness of Others).

If life sometimes feels like bumper cars work on both of these skills and you will be amazed at how fast, far, and easier you make progress!

I want to get better at Self Awareness...how do I learn to pay attention to the "lights on my dashboard"

Self Awareness is key to Emotional Intelligence....AND it can be learned! This video has three ideas to help you be able to identify what you are feeling when you are feeling it....

SO THAT....you can show up in your relationships, both personal and professional, as your best self. Harness your emotions and be aware of them so you can show up more powerfully in your relationships and your performance!

Watch the emotional warning lights on your dashboard!

Self awareness is a key part of emotional intelligence, but it is one can be easily missed. Our emotions can help us navigate our life and when we treat emotions like the lights on our dashboard we can navigate life in a safer and faster way....a way that builds our relationships and our performance rather than damaging it.

Self awareness is not the whole story for emotional intelligence, but it is a key piece if you want to be your best.

Look up the feelings wheel if you need help in knowing what those "lights on your dashboard" are telling you! https://feelingswheel.com/

What the heck is Emotional Intelligence? EI?

It is the tires of your life! The intersection of where you (the tire) meets the road (all the other people you encounter).