“Help! I need somebody” …The Beatles
Life is hard…imagine your personal capacity is like a backpack…and your life puts things in your backpack…spouse, kids, job, church, friends…but at some point, for all of us, the backpack can be too much. When we add aging parents, teenagers, marriage problems, struggling business, illness (ever heard of COVID?), isolation, and the list goes on…that backpack is more than anyone was ever supposed to carry by themselves. If you are a leader, you may be convinced that you have more capacity than others…that is probably true! …but at some point, life will put more in your backpack than you can carry. What happens when you get there? Crashing at work? Depression? Suicide? Breakdown? Drinking too much? Divorce?
You may be there or have been there…if you haven’t, it is coming. So, what can you do about it? If you insist on carrying everything by yourself the list the previous paragraph may be what is around the corner…As a leader can you say, “I need help…I can’t do this by myself”? If you can there is hope!
If you are a leader, you probably like and are good at helping others be successful. You enjoy carrying some things out of others proverbial “backpack”. When done well what happens? They grow professionally and personally…the succeed. They “run” faster than they could have if you weren’t carrying part of that burden…their capacity grows, and they make take that burden back and be able to shoulder even more. Will you allow others to do that for you?
Here are 3 steps to taking some things out of your backpack so you can be the leader you were created to be, your family, co-workers, vendors and customers need you to be.
1) Swallow your pride and be willing to ask for help (The earth has billions of people and every single one needs help from others…you are in good company)
2) Establish a network of people that care about you…people who will be there when you say “I need help” (These are likely some of the same people that can ask for help from you)
3) Remember…asking for help is not weak or selfish…it is brave, and it not only helps you…it helps your business, your family, your friends, your team members, your customers, vendors…everyone.
Ask for help when you need it…when you do you are a better example and a better leader…Be a leader worth following.
"Better out than in, I always say!" - Shrek
I have a personal question to ask you...are you emotionally constipated?
If you are going to be a leader worth following you need to be able to express your emotions well....to the right people at the right time.
We are created as emotional beings, we can't help it...and if we don't express our emotions we become "emotionally constipated"...and when that happens we can become toxic as our unprocessed emotions slowly make us sick...figuratively and often literally. Sometimes our emotions will erupt at the wrong time, to the wrong people or in the wrong way...damaging our relationships and our role as a leader.
Let's learn to express our emotions well and watch our team as well as ourselves be healthier and achieve more.
"I'm so stressed out!"
Did you know that your emotional intelligence can have a big impact on how you manage stress?
When we are aware of our own emotions (to include stress) we are able to engage the thinking portion of our brain to understand what is going on around us and to thoughtfully address it.
When you can identify, think through and deal with your emotions your stress level can go down, you can have a sense of control and thus optimism and you can invite flexibility and creativity to the situation. Increase your EQ and lower your stress!
“Math is Math!” - Mr. Incredible, Incredibles 2
When you are solving a purely numbers problem that may be true, but in real life numbers often fail to tell the whole story…there is emotional data that should also be taken into account when making business or personal decisions.
As we become more emotionally intelligent the our self-awareness and the awareness of others emotions can help us access that data and leverage it well. The lowest priced vendor is not always the lowest cost and the highest priced vendor is not always the most expensive. Include the emotional data in your decision making to help you make better decisions as you move down the road of life!
“All you need to do is….” When people say things like that, if you are like me, you often tune them out…and maybe write them off. Relationships thrive when we can be empathetic with others…not when we give un-requested advice or pep talks.
Brene Brown describes empathy as getting into another person’s well. I love this description…rather than telling someone to “cheer up” or what they need to do they are with the person…as they are. This may look like being there when someone is grieving…or maybe celebrating with them when something good happens for them.
In the EQi2.0 empathy is described as “recognizing, understanding and appreciating how other people feel…being able to articulate your understanding of another’s perspective and behaving in a way that respects others’ feelings”. When we can show up that way to others our relationships grow….trust develops…and when appropriate we may be asked for that advice or encouragement…or we may need some and it will be safe to receive that.
When you are at work this week try to be a bit more empathetic and watch the trust and team work build…just another example of treating others the way we would like to be treated ourselves.
What the heck is Emotional Intelligence? EI?
It is the tires of your life! The intersection of where you (the tire) meets the road (all the other people you encounter).
“Use your words” …I don’t know about you but I said this a lot (still do sometimes) when my kids were just learning to talk and would sometimes revert to just noises or making faces.
Self Expression is how we let the world know what is going on inside of us and what we think…when done well it often is verbal, but also includes body language, facial expression, tone of voice etc. As we become more Emotionally Intelligent we not only need to be aware of our own emotions and those of others we need to be able to express our emotions.
Using the EQ-i2.0 model as a reference Self Expression has three parts:
1) Emotional Expression – expressing feelings verbally and non-verbally
2) Assertiveness – communicating and defending rights & values appropriately
3) Independence – being self-directed and not dependent up on the emotions of others
As we move down the road of life together when we are skilled in self expression we let the other “drivers” know what we are doing so we can all drive more productively together…make sure your emotional blinkers and break lights are working and you will go farther faster!
"How am I supposed to know how you feel?"
You CAN GET BETTER at being aware of others emotions, and that can help you have more enjoyable and productive relationships...personally AND professionally. In fact, if you want to grow as a person, you NEED to grow in this area as well (no matter how good you are at this now...you can get better)
Three ideas about how to improve:
1) Slow down! Don't be in a hurry to wreck a perfectly good relationship...take time to respond rather than just reacting
2) Don't make unhelpful assumptions! If you are making assumptions about others emotions and react rashly you could be killing that sale/good will/relationship...respond thoughtfully instead!
3). ASK!!!! -- It is ok, you aren't a mind reader! You may have a good idea of how they are...but it can't hurt to ask. Even if you are wrong you show real concern and help them, and you get to a more productive place
What other ideas do you have about getting better in this area?
Watch out! You aren't the only one on the road of life!
Knowing how to drive your own car (Self Awareness) is the first step, but understanding what is going on emotionally with the other people in your life is also essential (Awareness of Others).
If life sometimes feels like bumper cars work on both of these skills and you will be amazed at how fast, far, and easier you make progress!
I want to get better at Self Awareness...how do I learn to pay attention to the "lights on my dashboard"
Self Awareness is key to Emotional Intelligence....AND it can be learned! This video has three ideas to help you be able to identify what you are feeling when you are feeling it....
SO THAT....you can show up in your relationships, both personal and professional, as your best self. Harness your emotions and be aware of them so you can show up more powerfully in your relationships and your performance!
Watch the emotional warning lights on your dashboard!
Self awareness is a key part of emotional intelligence, but it is one can be easily missed. Our emotions can help us navigate our life and when we treat emotions like the lights on our dashboard we can navigate life in a safer and faster way....a way that builds our relationships and our performance rather than damaging it.
Self awareness is not the whole story for emotional intelligence, but it is a key piece if you want to be your best.
Look up the feelings wheel if you need help in knowing what those "lights on your dashboard" are telling you! https://feelingswheel.com/