“Bumbles Bounce” – Yukon Cornelius, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

When I start something new I feel like I “bumble along”…and I hate feeling that way, I want it to be right the first time. However, that is the path to learning, and I’m getting more ok with choosing progress over perfection.

If you want to try something new, if you have a dream you want to pursue…I beg you, go out and bumble along…you will be glad you did because, Bumbles Bounce.

I’ve got news for you…you are LIMITED! …we are all limited. You are limited in your time, your talent, your energy…you have a limited capacity. Rather than fight against our limitations, lets acknowledge them and devote our limited capacity to the most important things in our organization, in our team, in our lives.

I’m not arguing against growth, efficiency, or anything like that; leaders all should be pursuing those worthy goals. However, even with every “hack” and skill turned up to 11 you are and will still be limited…I encourage you to embrace that fact and devote all of your capacity to the things that matter most in life and leadership.

STOP being NICE! ....Instead be GOOD! Nice people make others around them feel comfortable, even when things are crashing down around them. Good people tell others the hard truths; they do the hard things....they care enough to be uncomfortable themselves in order to serve others.

You aren't a leader to feel comfortable...you are a leader to serve your organization, your team, your boss, your coworkers, your family and friends. Only Good people can serve them well....so I challenge you...STOP BEING NICE! ...BE GOOD INSTEAD.

As a leader we occasionally get to enjoy the high of a big win…maybe it is closing the big deal you have been working on; or finally paying yourself a salary from your startup company. More often than wins we battle through those times where we question whether we have what it takes.

If you are a growing leader each season of company growth presents a new challenge…. you have never managed that many people before, you haven’t dealt with that many zeros, you haven’t worked with executives of that caliber before. When will everyone figure out that I don’t belong here?

If you are growing as a business or a leader you are encountering challenges you have never dealt with before…no wonder it feels new, it is new! Rather than being overwhelmed Alisa Cohen talks about the idea of a “Highlight Reel” in her book From Start-Up to Grown Up. Develop a list of your accomplishments, talents and gifts that got you to where you are now…take time to reflect on those. You weren’t dropped off by helicopter to these new challenges, you climbed there and gained experience, skills, and a few scars along the way to be where you are.

When we reflect on how we earned our way to these new challenges it can help give us confidence to lean into these new challenges. I bet you will win at most of those challenges…and if you don’t one of the lessons you learned to get here now is how to get back up and keep going. You aren’t an imposter; you are a learner….and learners always win in the long run.

Would you steal from another person? How do you handle stealing in your business? The thought of stealing in my organization makes me angry, and I’m betting it makes you angry too.

Now think about what employees you have that show up every day, they work hard….but they just aren’t cutting it. They probably were great in the past, but the company has grown…the market has changed and instead of winning every day at work now they can’t keep up…you know it…and they know it.

In his book Double Double, Cameron Herold talks about a hard lesson he learned about keeping a team member on after their season has passed….he realized that doing that was stealing from that person…stealing months or even years from them as they remain loyal to you…instead of moving to somewhere else where they can win every day.

Who do you have in your organization that fits this description? It is hard to let good people go AND it is the right thing for them, and for the organization. We don’t tolerate stealing money or things….lets not tolerate stealing time, stealing life from those who work for us. Let's support and mentor them well as they move on to their next chapter.

The leader we would want to work for would do that for us, lets be that leader for others!

"If that's a joke, I love it. If not, can't wait to unpack that with you later." – Ted Lasso

Have you ever talked to someone about what was going on with them at work (or life) and though and the decisions they are making…”are you serious?...are you joking right now?” Maybe it is that friend who has the abusive boss, but just won’t look for other opportunities, or the sister who says her family is her priority, but consistently chooses to take jobs that require a lot of travel.

How many times do you think others have thought that about what you? What decisions are you making that are actually taking you farther away from what you really want…even though they maybe good, maybe even really good at some level.

As humans we can get fooled by only looking at the benefit of staying the same or maybe making a change…but not the cost, and there is always a cost.…yes, you may get some payback like a higher salary, promotion, work on that passion project…but what is it costing you?

When you find yourself in that hard spot of making a tough decision…ask “What is this costing me”…or “What would option “x” cost me” . As leaders lets be deliberate in making our decisions so when people scratch their head that we made them we know how to respond and we did it on purpose.

“Help! I need somebody” …The Beatles

Life is hard…imagine your personal capacity is like a backpack…and your life puts things in your backpack…spouse, kids, job, church, friends…but at some point, for all of us, the backpack can be too much. When we add aging parents, teenagers, marriage problems, struggling business, illness (ever heard of COVID?), isolation, and the list goes on…that backpack is more than anyone was ever supposed to carry by themselves. If you are a leader, you may be convinced that you have more capacity than others…that is probably true! …but at some point, life will put more in your backpack than you can carry. What happens when you get there? Crashing at work? Depression? Suicide? Breakdown? Drinking too much? Divorce?

You may be there or have been there…if you haven’t, it is coming. So, what can you do about it? If you insist on carrying everything by yourself the list the previous paragraph may be what is around the corner…As a leader can you say, “I need help…I can’t do this by myself”? If you can there is hope!

If you are a leader, you probably like and are good at helping others be successful. You enjoy carrying some things out of others proverbial “backpack”. When done well what happens? They grow professionally and personally…the succeed. They “run” faster than they could have if you weren’t carrying part of that burden…their capacity grows, and they make take that burden back and be able to shoulder even more. Will you allow others to do that for you?

Here are 3 steps to taking some things out of your backpack so you can be the leader you were created to be, your family, co-workers, vendors and customers need you to be.

1) Swallow your pride and be willing to ask for help (The earth has billions of people and every single one needs help from others…you are in good company)

2) Establish a network of people that care about you…people who will be there when you say “I need help” (These are likely some of the same people that can ask for help from you)

3) Remember…asking for help is not weak or selfish…it is brave, and it not only helps you…it helps your business, your family, your friends, your team members, your customers, vendors…everyone.

Ask for help when you need it…when you do you are a better example and a better leader…Be a leader worth following.

"This is one time where television really fails to capture the true excitement of a large squirrel predicting the weather." – Bill Murray, Groundhog Day

It’s Groundhog Day! … do you ever feel like that when you are dealing with the same problem…yet again…from the same person.

Of course you do, we all do…and typically the reason why is that the issue was never actually fixed to begin with. There was a halfhearted discussion, with halfhearted commitment and the real issue was put off until another day.

Let’s change that by really confronting issues, kindly AND directly….AND having real consequences. John Townsend offers a simple formula with this 8 Step Conflict Resolution model.

1. Start with a “I respect and am for you stance” … this may look like, “I need to share some thoughts that may be hard to hear; but you are too capable and too important for our companies success to not have this discussion”

2. Clearly state the issue that needs to be addressed…don’t beat around the bush, as Brene Brown has said “Clear is Kind”.

3. Own your contribution…have you allowed this to linger, did you see it but not say anything before, did you give them the tools and training, if you are the leader you probably own some part of this issue

4. Hear them out…allow them to talk. To have this conversation turn out well, they don’t need to agree, but they need to feel heard; plush you might find out something that changes your perspective. Give them 2-3 minutes to and then get back to addressing the issue.

5. Request a change with a win/win stance…what is the specific behavior you want to see? How will that benefit them and the organization?

6. Tell them the natural consequences of not changing (when needed)…what will happen if they don’t change? Don’t let people be surprised if you need to have that next conversation.

7. Return to the “I am for you stance” …You want them to “win” and they need to know it. This helps bring safety back so they can focus on performance for the team rather than operating out of fear.

8. Follow up 24 hours later…check back in with them, help them know you really are for them.

As leaders lets care enough about our people to be clear with them and to solve problems for good. If it feels like groundhog day around the office what did you miss?

“Just a flesh wound…” The Black Knight, Monty Python and Search for the Holy Grail

When a player was limping by my high school football coach would ask…”are you hurt? or are you injured”….what he really was asking was is this something you can play through and not make it worse, like a bruise (hurt) OR is this something that you will actually exacerbate a big issue if you keep trying to play (injured).

I have to commend my coaches that they never encouraged anyone to play injured…but sometimes we all did because we didn’t want to appear weak or let the team down by admitting that we were “injured”. Now decades later we feel the consequences of those decisions when we get out of bed in the morning…and some in more dramatic ways.

I’m amazed when I work with clients how many of them do the same thing, often with their emotional and mental health…and sometimes with their physical health. Only now it isn’t impacting a game…their families count on them, their friends count on them, their co-workers, customers and vendors all count on them to be at their best. The stakes are much higher now, yet so many leaders still neglect themselves…and we all know the first step to fixing a problem is admitting that you have one.

Are you ok? …before you answer that, use these two questions to help determine if you are being honest with yourself…

1) What would your spouse or significant other say if I asked them if you were OK?

2) How would you answer if your best friend was in your same situation?

…Now that you are honest with yourself what are you going to do about it?…have that hard conversation? Hire for that position that you have been putting off? Talk to your accountant about what your options are? Go see a counselor?

When you embrace your reality then you can make the hard decisions that make you a leader worth following.

“I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with ’em later."

—Mitch Hedberg

I tend to overcomplicate things….so often I find myself doing things I should have asked for help with or often not working on something important because it just feels too big. Either way I’m not accomplishing what I could.

The author and podcaster Tim Ferriss has a great question he uses to unlock his thinking when he faces something like this…”what would this look like if it were easy?” I find this so helpful to expand what options I am considering, who I could or should ask for help, could I outsource or delegate this? For me this helps to bring things down to size so I can actually do something about them.

See how asking this question works for you (or maybe your direct reports)…taking your problems and holding them up to a slightly different lens maybe just what you need for breakthrough.

"You stink. You smell like beef and cheese. You don’t smell like Santa.” - Elf

I have a confession to make…I am in recovery…I am a recovering people pleaser. In the past I found myself spending all of my energy trying to make others happy, while neglecting my own legitimate needs and wants. To consider my own needs felt selfish to me…and it resulted in burnout and stress both at work and home…and in the end I was unhappy (and often so was everyone else). I’m learning that to be my best self sometimes I have to make others unhappy…and that is ok, no that is necessary.

Are you OK when others are not OK with you? Some psychological models call that separation or differentiation or emotional independence…whatever you call it mature adults are not overcome by the need to please others, but rather can balance the tension of their wants and needs with those of others. Sometimes that means saying “No” to others…or “Yes, under the condition…” and sometimes just a “Yes”…accepting that agency of being able to control your answer is necessary to be your best self.

If you will risk disappointing others, when appropriate, you will find the freedom to be your best…for your family, your friends, and for your organization. …when you can be emotionally independent of others then you can embrace your own freedom.

“Well, if I find out that you’re accusing me of doing something I didn’t do, then I’m going to accuse you of making false accusations.” – Schitt’s Creek

One of the issues I often hear about when I work with clients is a lack of clarity on who is responsible for what. This can result in team members being frustrated at each other because, in their mind, the other person keeps interfering with their responsibilities... or conversely things get missed because everyone thought it was someone else’s responsibility.

In the military, geographic areas are clearly spelled out so who is responsible for what is clearly spelled out…if it happens in this area it is my responsibility if it happens in another area it belongs to someone else…

As a leader you need to establish that clarity for your people, and there are multiple tools out there to do that…there is the Accountability Chart, which you can find in the book Traction by Gino Wickman, or Functional Accountability Chart from Verne Harnish…and I am sure there are others.

If you find multiple people working on the same thing….or things falling through the cracks, look at how you have established responsibilities within your team. If it is a lack of operational boundaries and then those problems may simply be a symptom…and you need to provide that clarity for your team.

Create clarity in your organization around these areas and watch many of these issues disappear!

“You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning…And someone hands you a baby” - Jim Gaffigan

Welcome to 2023! If you are like many business leaders out there you have been doing annual planning, setting goals, establishing 90 day objectives, making a game plan for how you will conquer the new year.

Also, if you are like many business leaders out there you were overwhelmed in 2022 – you haven’t taken much if anything off of what you were doing last year AND now you have even more! Good luck on getting it all done…and even if you do, what will that cost you – not just financially but in time, energy, and relationships?

New dreams, goals and initiatives are great….and I would ask you to do one additional thing. Make a STOP DOING LIST…What are you doing just because you always have? What can you just stop doing and no one would notice? (do you have the guts to just try it and find out?), What can you (or maybe should you) delegate? Where are you spending time that doesn’t contribute to your goals and objectives?

Your time and energy are too precious to waste…pour more into what is important by cutting out what is not!

“I’ve made a huge tiny mistake” – Gob, Arrested Development

Lets talk a little bit more about communication and what the business world could learn from the military. I specifically want to talk about CLARITY.

I want to talk about two tools that the military uses (and of course some other organizations too) to make sure everyone is clear.

The first tool is the “back brief”….you may have heard it said, “tell me what I just told you”…maybe you have said this to your kids. Normalize this in your organization when giving direction, it is amazing how many times what you wanted to convey was not understood by your team…this will help you start to communicate better, and also give you and opportunity to address any misunderstandings before they go any further.

The second tool is the rehearsal…when groups need to be coordinated this is a terrific tool. I can feel a little silly at first, but uncovers a lot of issues and helps everyone when it is time. You wouldn’t want to see a band play who had never rehearsed, or attend a wedding that was just “winging” it…when this tool is appropriate make sure your performance is spot on as well…Rehearse.

“And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.” – Michael Scott, The Office

Perhaps one of the hardest situations any leader has to deal with is letting one of their team members go…especially when they are a high performer, so here are 4 things to think through when you get to that point

1) Have you set them up for success?….do they know what they are supposed to do, and have the training and tools to do it (and get feedback along the way)…

2) Have you given them feedback and instruction along the way (document this!)

3) Try to get some objectivity around the situation

a. Is this a one time occurrence or a pattern?

b. What is keeping them costing your organization? Your time and effort, that of your other team members? Vendors or Customers?

c. If this position was vacant and your were hiring for this position…would you hire them

d. Play the tape forward….Is it the right person wrong seat?

4) Don’t wait too long….keeping them around is costing your organization, and all of their coworkers know they aren’t working and are looking to you to fix it.