"You stink. You smell like beef and cheese. You don’t smell like Santa.” - Elf

I have a confession to make…I am in recovery…I am a recovering people pleaser. In the past I found myself spending all of my energy trying to make others happy, while neglecting my own legitimate needs and wants. To consider my own needs felt selfish to me…and it resulted in burnout and stress both at work and home…and in the end I was unhappy (and often so was everyone else). I’m learning that to be my best self sometimes I have to make others unhappy…and that is ok, no that is necessary.

Are you OK when others are not OK with you? Some psychological models call that separation or differentiation or emotional independence…whatever you call it mature adults are not overcome by the need to please others, but rather can balance the tension of their wants and needs with those of others. Sometimes that means saying “No” to others…or “Yes, under the condition…” and sometimes just a “Yes”…accepting that agency of being able to control your answer is necessary to be your best self.

If you will risk disappointing others, when appropriate, you will find the freedom to be your best…for your family, your friends, and for your organization. …when you can be emotionally independent of others then you can embrace your own freedom.